Victims more than Perpetrators

Victims more than perpetrators Project, is initiated as raising awareness on productive coping mechanisms on how to get through a crisis of irrevocable outcry – is an outcry that is mentored by the wrong pack of mentality of people that make youths begin to misbehave in a way that is beyond their control as being groomed by gang movement; not to imagine what kind of environment or influences they have been made to feel invincible?

An outcry that range from a one-time incident of poor impulse control, escalating in frequency to the point of a daily occurrence  of irrevocable outcry that leads to senseless killings today to be overcomed by expressive manner or be conquered that lead them to get attention in the wrong way.   It can range from

  • Verbal abuse and intimidation to outright physical assault
  • Disregard for parents ,friends/other family members/public/law,
  • Continuously running away from home,
  • Manipulative threats such as suicide ,knife stabbings
  • Uncontrollable   rage of acquired strange behaviours that lead them to kill
  • Members of the community ignoring violence and acceptance of offending as normalisation in attitudes  

Where applicable to work out what they need to do now to get over what's happened to them that entails - Introduction to find the root cause of high emotion, distress and unbearable inner turmoil that leads to them acquiring strange behaviours that lead them to kill, by bringing them to understand that they are likely to be “victims than perpetrators”.

RAP recently had a mother cry out to our organisation regarding the kind of erratic exclusions in a term given to the son in his school for a singular unintentional behaviour, exclusions more than educational recommendation for a year, and when we made contact with the school, we were shocked how we were met with silent hostility and method of abuse used to victimise this boy, the school administration termed it to be “appropriate and fair”. This drew our attention to what kind of children  the society grooming? How many kids have been through this kind of educational system and have no one to cry to? How many parents know their right to safeguard their children against institutional bullying and discrimination? What makes a child begin to react with aggression?  What leads to unacceptable behaviour in a child? What are the warning signs to look out for to help prepare a parent, neighbours and concerned school authorities to intervene positively in youth lives before it gets an irrevocable outcry?

Why irrevocable outcry – is an outcry that is mentored by the wrong pack of mentality of people that make youths begin to misbehave in a way that is beyond their control as being groomed by gang movement; not to imagine what kind of environment or influences they have been made to feel invincible? Just doing anything like senseless killings, to get overcome, conquered which eventually leads them to get attention in the wrong way. 

RAP believe that the problem of youth killing each other is deeper than dysfunctional family where violence is order of the day, but mixture of factors that need to be addressed in raising awareness that it is possible for our children to grow out of these acquired strange behaviours that lead them to kill, by bringing them to understand that they are likely to be victims than perpetrators. We need to raise this awareness through booklets and our website to intervene to safeguard the life of children. We would hold one to one and group sessions with parents and youths to raise awareness. We did this effectively with parental abuse project and we know that this will positively involve more people to fulfil their potential by working to address strange behavioural issues at the earliest possible stage before it gets to irrevocable outcry that leads to senseless killings as in the UK of today as revealed in Chart below:               

Victims more than Perpetrators picture ratio

Warning Signs

Society plays a role in creating, accepting and perpetuating abusive behaviour. Sometimes a situation escalates without us even realizing it, as to understanding some potential warning signs that a child’s behaviour is abusive: Warning signs to look out for in youth and to be taken seriously and offered help to identify their personal code of values to get the most out of life to bring meaning, purpose, and direction enabling a fulfilling life as an individual instead of becoming victims killed or killers to wasted life imprisonment are as follows:

Warnings of Victim more than Perpetrators 2

·       Feeling Intimidated. It’s normal to feel your child is pushing boundaries to get what he/she wants until a parent can finally snap, “I told you no!”  the child will retaliate in a way that is fearfully harmful to you by Intimidation with words, the tone of voice or even just a look.

·        Extreme oppositional behaviour reaches a point that your child has no respect for your authority as a parent or any elder, outright defying the rules of your home with no fear or concern of consequences. When your child is not just defying the house rules but breaking the law, you have every right to call in law enforcement to curtail this type of behaviour before it leads to criminal offence.

·        Escalating Pattern of Violence. Kids get angry, slam doors, throw things in a fit on the floor in their room may result in you having to re-buy things you valued to the point of destroying property, punching walls, shoving, hitting things near you or throwing things that “almost” hit you, making verbal threats or violating your personal boundaries to even adulthood, this is a definite pattern of abusive behaviour by action of control, manipulate and try to intimidate.

·        Silenced Pattern of hidden Violence behaviour which arises to compulsive anger, suppression of vulnerable emotion and lack of relationship pattern which is more common in male than in female. It will be a practical to unlearn suppression and communicate anger rather than act it away, and to connect with at least one person and it takes significant time, energy, and skill to change this pattern.

·        Identifying and paying attention to children from troubled homes rather than simply excluding them. For School Exclusions only lead youth to street grooming.

·         Institutional bullying and discrimination in school are mostly influenced by race and ethnicity, gender and sexual abuse increased vulnerabilities of youth to be a victim.  Which have long lasting negative effect if an understanding and acknowledging the inequalities associated with this pattern are not redressed early in the youth life journey.

Consequences of choice

RAP encourages individuals not to duel on negativity experiences that leads to anger which makes them become a perpetrator of self destruct and a victim of what they claimed as abusive experience and devastating effect of bullying. No one who envision in their mind any negative experience of life ever overcome that experience as it is proven daily in humans to date. But RAP believe that if negative experience is converted to reality of positive thinking of self to reaction to daily living mechanism, you overcome your negative past experience to become a positive influence to the society and self .

Reflect now on the consequences of choices made in life encounters before it is too late on WHY become victims of your own act by allowing negativity control your mind set that would lead you to life destructive path as

1)   Dropping out of education that will enable your future

2)   Entwining yourself with wrong people who pulls you out of destiny fulfilment

3)   Shop lifting at 14 which will anchor to your future at 50, where you have to explain to a stranger, employer which leads mostly to job-rejection.

4)   Youth violence that leads to criminal record

5)   Youth involvement with drug trade that messes you for life and problematic to the society as leads to crimes to deaths

6)   Living and believing a lie, you tell yourself to belong to self-destructive path

7)    Becoming part of society statistics effect of crack cocaine as a key driver in young people getting stabbed to death in such large numbers rained down from all angles

8)   Stabbing and murder will cost you life sentence up to 40 years and  minimum of 16 years in jail before maybe out on life probation. As these real stories of  teens who will grow up in prison  , They have themselves to blame for making negative choices of violence, stabbing, killing, murder and gang movement to wasted life opportunities with a cloud that hang on their once bright future to become societal positive productive respected men and women.

9)   Locking up your life in criminal behaviour and depression that only leads to life in prison in all reality. Don't be a self tragic story as Ronald Sanford real story with Sir Trevor / Ronald Sanford interview with Eyewitness news , who committed double homicide at 13 and got 170 years in prison/death row at 15.       

10)               Refusing counsel, and rebelling against advice of guidance that can free you from negative thoughts to positive thinking and living.

11)               No believe in existence of a Living God, creator of life nor fear of God that brings humility in a man and respect for others

12)               Become a dangerous weapon in the society as no value for lives as no value for self; but afraid of hurricanes and not the creator of all on earth, heavenlies and underneath the earth.

Victims more than Perpetrators - Responding to Potential

Instead of falling prey to what most parents do by feeling guilty, blaming oneself for children behaviour, by questioning parental skills, allowing children to blame you for their rebellious lifestyle or waiting for the worst to happen, that will bring grief to family and chaos to the nation. It is important to result to seek problem-solving therapy that will involve social cohesion that will improve youth’s self esteem & confidence building and eventually contribute generally to their healthier well-being by help that will deal with problems which true underlying factors contributes, including

·        Poor boundaries

·        Substance abuse (by either a parent or child or peers or groomer),

·        Poor impulse control to peer pressure and conflict.

·        What kind of environment or influences make them feel invincible

·        Underlying psychological conditions such as Attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), Oppositional defiant disorder (ODD) , Conduct disorder (CD), Learned behaviour

Responding to Potential Perpetrators

There is no excuse or rationale for any form of abusive behaviour and aggression; despite we try to understand what’s going on in any situation in a child to adolescence, which matures to adulthood of a child violating the rights of others. This behaviour is serious and does not only stem up from home but from schools the place where a child learns how to interact in the world by learning what’s acceptable, not acceptable and consequences for behavioural accountability. It’s natural for a parent to protect their own child’s abusive behaviour or feel torn as igniting buttons of anger, disappointment and hurt in a parent.  While the teacher or school authority owes every child a duty of care as established in law, as a school owes its pupils a general duty of care. However, it is far less clear in law how far a school must go to protect a pupil against bullying. It will be necessary to prove that the bullying went beyond normal social interaction between children and was of a serious nature with foreseeable expected harm or damage.

The parent with the help of the school a child attends that a behaviour can be redressed and decide what method can be followed through with at any given time. Here are some suggestions:

1)   Clearly Communicate Boundaries by making sure your non-verbal communication (what you do) matches your verbal communication (what you say).

2)   Clearly Communicate Consequences for Abusive Behaviour of any kind despite you love them entails you calling the police and they will be held accountable for their behaviour. When the child is in their teens and are basically ignoring, arguing and disrespecting youtake a step further by taking them to a Solicitor to explain to them consequences of their Abusive behaviour to you as a parent and to the society at large and make them sign an agreement with you that if they cross the boundaries set on the agreement you call the police. You may choose to provide other consequences, other than legal, that you could enforce.

3)   If a child suffers harm as a direct result of the teacher and school negligently failing to act to protect your child -It would need to be shown not only that the teacher or school knew what was going on, but also that they failed to take reasonable steps to stop it. Schools are not legally required to guarantee the absolute safety of children. However, they must ensure that pupils receive the same level of care and supervision that a reasonably prudent parent would take of his or her own children, and involve students to examine their own experiences, to help them understand their emotional/relational worlds as part of class activity.

4)   As regards schools input instead of exclusions that leads them into street grooming, We suggest a method used in one of RAP case years ago, where a youth was facing bullying at school and teachers ignored his complaints and he began to react back with his record of being victimised resulting in a quick temper and mistrusting of authority, once we were able to get to the root of the issue the school implemented what was known as the time out method, this gave the youth a special permission that if he was stressed, distressed or felt himself losing control he would give the slip to his teacher and be sent to the head of year where he could be supervised as he calmed himself down. He was then given a diary so he could record the reason he had to use the slip and it was very helpful for him.

5)   RAP believe as a society, people need to stop keeping a blind eye to abusive behaviour and condoling it by giving itself defensive names to beautify a deadly weapon into the society that is the reason of chaotic problems in society today and result of self destruct to senseless killings .

6)   Contact the Authorities if out of hand, though it can be difficult for a parent worrying about the long term consequences of contacting the police or unable to handle the thought of their child facing charges. Remember you are not doing any child a favour by allowing him/her to engage in abusive behaviour and moving with wrong people without consequence or there is the risk that this will generalize to his future relationships with a spouse, his own children or other members of society at large. Children up to the age of 18 are governed by the laws and procedures of juvenile court. Any conviction on abuse charges would not appear on their permanent criminal records. Juvenile laws are in place to take over when a child refuses to abide by parental and school rules.

Victims more than Perpetrators - Responding Pic

7)   Get Support.  Youths who has been identified as potential perpetrators of any form of aggression, should be treated as serious issue and needs immediate attention and intervention before it gets out of hand to self-destructive behaviour and become a deadly communal weapon. Get support from family or friends – anyone you think will be supportive by giving a Listening ear - Being non-judgmental - Respect confidentiality - Looking for strengths - Giving helpful messages, "You don't deserve to be going through this alone”- Being aware of community resources that will provide support to you. If your natural supports will only make the situation worse by judging you

8)   Seek help from a professional who will support you in gaining a leadership role in your family by contacting a local domestic violence hotline, mediation if the child is willing to acknowledge that they are responsible for their own behaviour, anger management and parenting /youth workshops, counsellor or support group as Restoration for Abused People (RAP) in your locality

9)   Break the barrier of helplessness in a child by educating them to know about self value/respect , instead of being passive and feeling helpless, which often gives strength to their overcoming negative forces.

10)   Safety plan by calling a relative, friend, GP or police. It does not mean you don't love your child as protecting our children is essential, but that protection for personal safety of themselves from becoming a societal deadly weapon.

11)   Learn to be assertiveness - Think before reacting to act. If you mean no, say no without threaten or yell. Don't give in to emotional blackmailing of a child who turns discipline to abuse, you will eventually regain power.

12)   Model and Acknowledge respectful good non-abusive behaviour. But be clear and consistent about rules, boundaries and consequences. One-to one talking treatments on how they think about themselves as a youth, other people and the world. Improving change on what affects their thoughts and feelings as many youth feel abused and neglected from childhood, blaming trigger for youth behaviour, Understanding it is deeper than dysfunctional family. Treatment usually involves monitoring their response while helping them to deal with the underlying causes to becoming “Victims more than Perpetrators” with an understanding there is no excuse or rationale for abusive behaviour that leads to senseless killings to get overcome, conquered that lead them to get attention in the wrong way. Understanding that the home is the first place and secondly, the school environment where a child learns how to  interact with the world by learning what are acceptable, not acceptable and consequences for behavioural accountability.                                   

Reason for raising Awareness of “Victims more than Perpetrators  “ is to increase awareness of this issue and its seriousness in understanding there is no excuse or rationale for abusive behaviour in any form that leads to senseless killings to get overcome, conquered in order to get attention in the wrong way by learning what are acceptable, not acceptable and consequences for behavioural accountability. Thereby also tackling or preventing stress, suicidal, criminal and antisocial behaviours that lead to senseless killings.

                                            (c)  Restoration for Abused People (RAP)